What’s Dating Tips Got To Do With It?

 Hat: Plenty Humanwear, Shades and Booties: TOMS, Turtleneck, Leggins, Coat: Le Chateau, Bag: Mackage

Besides breathing, eating, sleeping, socializing, and self-fulfilling, there’s a universal desire that links us
all and that is the yearning to love and be loved (some more strong than in others as in this contemporary western society one can determine that the awareness is more apparent in the female gender gene).
I’m a woman. A single woman. In all that it’s worth, a single woman for the last three years and some change. Within this time, I’ve amassed my fair share of dating woes that spirited countless girlfriend get-togethers over copious amount of wine with the agenda of analyzing every text message (or absence of one), misconstrued convos, ambiguous actions, and did-I-give-it-up-too-soon questioning. After each proverbial licking of my love-life wounds, I would always get back on that dating saddle as, to quote the iconic champion of all matters of the heart Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, I proudly say that “I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” I’ve had it, I know it and goddammit I’ll have it once again.

So this past summer I decided that I was going to be the sole author in the Candice dating narration and took it into my own hands to find my next Person. I don’t adhere to this ridiculous notion of passivity when it comes to finding the big L. I frown when I hear people advise “you can’t go looking for it”. Umm hello! Hell yeah you can, when’s the last time you met someone while vegging out at home clad in sweats while walking to your bathroom- hashtag Never! Just like everything else in life, we’re encouraged to go after what we want- be it a career, a fit body, a healthy lifestyle, etc- therefore romantic conquest should be no different.

I took this new venture damn seriously, it was like having a second job I tell you! I met some gentle blokes, I met some frigging idiots, and I also met everyone else in between. I signed up to Tinder, I signed up to Happn, I flirted, I smized, I dined, I laughed, I lusted. But sadly I also got caught up in this swipe-right culture of a continuum chase for the next best thing. Making sure to not put all my eggs in one basket, it begot to having one foot in and one foot out. I was managing three to four dates per week (my friends were like, who’s X again?) which didn’t leave much room to form a genuine connection with anyone. Though there were a couple with whom I did take a nano pause with, I was going through the motions rather than feeling the emotions. Actually scratch that, I was feeling emotions, a roller-coaster of emotions that occurred from  allowing insecurities to take precedent over my heart. But I digress, don’t get me wrong, it was still hella lot of fun!! Plusss, I’m left with fond I-can’t-believe-that-happened kind of stories. I kid you not, I once received a text pic of a salacious black belt- yep I had my very own Mr. Grey!

So back to the aforementioned title of this post: What’s Dating Tips Got To Do With It? If you’re following my Instagram, you might have noticed that I’ve become an amateur relationship expert (please take the last word lightly!) Out of curating my IG feed with blank boxes, I decided to utilize the white space to share knowledge I’ve acquired from my female dating experience. Lightheartedly I talk about things like how to deal with ghosting (put your big girl panties on and express that it’s not you, it’s them), to setting boundaries (same date plans after 3pm is a no-no), and of course sex (no shame in the game, get your Amber Rose walk on). Because out of all these escapades and debacles, there were real lessons acquired that can be streamlined to a singular belief: the strength in vulnerability. But not in a wimpy kind of way. In a show your true colours kind of way by stating who you are, what you want, and what you like which ultimately brings you closer to your truth.
I’m still figuring out how to navigate this whole Men Are From Mars business but what I do know is that relationships are intertwined and complicated but could also be a little less complex if we brought more stillness into our lives to uncover our true needs, ergo confidently expressing them to our significant other.

As for my current status, I’m in a happy love triangle –  I’m seeing Me, Myself, and I (also another one featured in my IG dating tips). At the moment I’m the main character in my own love story. After all these exciting yet emotionally exhausting experiences, I feel the need to selfishly direct all my attention to Candice. I’m no longer in a perpetual angst of Where Is He Already. I’m doing me and when that burgeoning feeling to share love with another reoccurs, I’ll actively get back on that dating stallion. In the mean time, it’s just you, me, and some sassy stories on relationship how-tos!

“There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” – CB

PHOTOGRAPHER: Christian Atanga